The Spike Video Game Awards were last night. I didn’t watch them, but I did catch some of the “World Premier” trailers today across the interwebs. Some of it looked good, some of it looked like crap. Here are my thoughts in a bit more detail…
It looks like Jack Black will bring the same level of failed hilarity to this game that he does to most of his movies. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not all crap. I loved his role in Tropic Thunder, he had the funniest line in the movie in my opinion (“Alpa, if you come over here and untie me I will literally suck your dick…”). I liked the songs in The Pick of Destiny. School of Rock wasn’t all bad, though a little too Disney for my tastes. But Nacho Libre was utter shit. I was expecting a hidden gem like what Napoleon Dynamite turned out to be but no. Just crap, unwatchable crap. I see this game turning into something between Nacho Libre and The Pick of Destiny. A whole hearted “…meh…” I have little to no interest but it seems like a lot of gamers out there do. Why? Who knows.
Dante’s Inferno
I know nothing about this game other than what I saw in the trailer 10 minutes ago but I am already pumped for it. Dante’s Inferno (the book) is awesome. Before you ask - nope, never read it, I just know it’s awesome. I love that sort of shit. Horror mixed with religion or pseudo religion…like that movie Constantine. I loved it, and it probably wasn’t that good but I was blinded by the awesome horror/demons/mystics/voodoo/religion stuff. Religion – Boring bullshit + fantastical demon monster creatures + dark oppressive atmosphere = win. It’s like you’re watching a Lord of the Rings movie that a bunch of people believe could be true. It rules. And this game will rule. They better not fuck it up because it has phenomenal potential.
Watchmen: The End is Nigh
Other than the use of the word nigh instead of near, this game will blow. I think I’m going to start using the word nigh instead of near. It will totally add a bunch of dramatic effect to my everyday conversation. “Hey Aesop, do you know where the nearest Dunkin Donuts is?” “It’s pretty nigh, about 4 blocks from here…” But seriously, I see this game turning into just another crappy superhero or movie game. Pick any example* of a movie or superhero game and you’ll find crap. Take crap, multiply it by crap and you get? I don’t know. More crap I suppose, but either way this game will suck.
*Any example except that incredible hulk game for the original Xbox. That game fucking owned. You were just massively destructive. If you’ve never played that game I recommend you go pick up a used copy for like $4 or whatever used copies of Xbox original games sell for.
Fight Night: Round 4
If you love the fight night series you will love this game otherwise you won’t be able to tell the difference between this and any of the originals or any of the future games. I think picking up the yearly updated editions of these sports games is equivalent to trying to lick your elbow after you’ve tripped and fallen and your elbow landed in dog shit. Dumb if you were to succeed, pointless because you won’t. Oh, and fuck madden.
GoW2: Combustible Map Pack
I fucking love gears. This iteration isn’t getting the credit it deserves. The first one was revolutionary, it came out of nowhere. All we knew about it before it came out was it had that cool promo with the sad “all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out placesssssssss” song. Then boom, it ruled. When this one came out everyone was hoping for that same “Surprise! It’s fucking awesome!” feeling. But it was hyped to shit and the bar was so high that of course you’re not going to get that feeling. Between that and the internets usual response to an excellent shooter’s sequel of “Waahhhh, the banana is nerfed! I don’t like how you can make soup! The first one was better! Waaaahhhhh”. Substitute the correct terms in for “banana” and “make soup” for your shooter of choice, in GoW’s case banana=shotgun and make soup=tag walls with grenades. But that’s all garbage. This game fucking kicks ass.
That said, I think it’s complete and utter bullshit when a developer has DLC ready for release on the same day the game launches. That’s not quite the case here (it’s been 3 weeks) but it’s pretty fucking close. And $10 dollars? Bah! Fuck this. Multiplayer is still laggy and there are still issues with getting connected to a game. WFT? Fix that shit. I love the game, I love every blood splattering and flesh carving minute of it when it works. But it doesn’t work consistently yet. How bout that gets fixed then we talk about micro transactions…I just wish the maps didn’t look so fucking fun…dammit.
GTA IV: Lost and Damned
This looks awesome. Well…let me rephrase, it looks awesome on paper (or video in this case). It looks poetic and artistic and all those things everyone says about GTA IV that got it crowned Time Magazine’s GotY 2008. But there’s a problem with Grand Theft Auto that’s hard to put into words…of course I’ll try. When I play the game it’s totally rad at first but it slowly becomes routine and by the end I’m not even enjoying myself…I just need to beat it because I’m so close and it’d be a shame to quit. Maybe Grand Theft Auto would make a good movie and then I wouldn’t have to devote so much energy to it...
I’ll probably get this DLC anyway and go through that same cycle of thinking it awesome until it becomes painful…because I have an addiction.
And that's all.
Dante’s Inferno
I know nothing about this game other than what I saw in the trailer 10 minutes ago but I am already pumped for it. Dante’s Inferno (the book) is awesome. Before you ask - nope, never read it, I just know it’s awesome. I love that sort of shit. Horror mixed with religion or pseudo religion…like that movie Constantine. I loved it, and it probably wasn’t that good but I was blinded by the awesome horror/demons/mystics/voodoo/religion stuff. Religion – Boring bullshit + fantastical demon monster creatures + dark oppressive atmosphere = win. It’s like you’re watching a Lord of the Rings movie that a bunch of people believe could be true. It rules. And this game will rule. They better not fuck it up because it has phenomenal potential.
Watchmen: The End is Nigh
Other than the use of the word nigh instead of near, this game will blow. I think I’m going to start using the word nigh instead of near. It will totally add a bunch of dramatic effect to my everyday conversation. “Hey Aesop, do you know where the nearest Dunkin Donuts is?” “It’s pretty nigh, about 4 blocks from here…” But seriously, I see this game turning into just another crappy superhero or movie game. Pick any example* of a movie or superhero game and you’ll find crap. Take crap, multiply it by crap and you get? I don’t know. More crap I suppose, but either way this game will suck.
*Any example except that incredible hulk game for the original Xbox. That game fucking owned. You were just massively destructive. If you’ve never played that game I recommend you go pick up a used copy for like $4 or whatever used copies of Xbox original games sell for.
Fight Night: Round 4
If you love the fight night series you will love this game otherwise you won’t be able to tell the difference between this and any of the originals or any of the future games. I think picking up the yearly updated editions of these sports games is equivalent to trying to lick your elbow after you’ve tripped and fallen and your elbow landed in dog shit. Dumb if you were to succeed, pointless because you won’t. Oh, and fuck madden.
GoW2: Combustible Map Pack
I fucking love gears. This iteration isn’t getting the credit it deserves. The first one was revolutionary, it came out of nowhere. All we knew about it before it came out was it had that cool promo with the sad “all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out placesssssssss” song. Then boom, it ruled. When this one came out everyone was hoping for that same “Surprise! It’s fucking awesome!” feeling. But it was hyped to shit and the bar was so high that of course you’re not going to get that feeling. Between that and the internets usual response to an excellent shooter’s sequel of “Waahhhh, the banana is nerfed! I don’t like how you can make soup! The first one was better! Waaaahhhhh”. Substitute the correct terms in for “banana” and “make soup” for your shooter of choice, in GoW’s case banana=shotgun and make soup=tag walls with grenades. But that’s all garbage. This game fucking kicks ass.
That said, I think it’s complete and utter bullshit when a developer has DLC ready for release on the same day the game launches. That’s not quite the case here (it’s been 3 weeks) but it’s pretty fucking close. And $10 dollars? Bah! Fuck this. Multiplayer is still laggy and there are still issues with getting connected to a game. WFT? Fix that shit. I love the game, I love every blood splattering and flesh carving minute of it when it works. But it doesn’t work consistently yet. How bout that gets fixed then we talk about micro transactions…I just wish the maps didn’t look so fucking fun…dammit.
GTA IV: Lost and Damned
This looks awesome. Well…let me rephrase, it looks awesome on paper (or video in this case). It looks poetic and artistic and all those things everyone says about GTA IV that got it crowned Time Magazine’s GotY 2008. But there’s a problem with Grand Theft Auto that’s hard to put into words…of course I’ll try. When I play the game it’s totally rad at first but it slowly becomes routine and by the end I’m not even enjoying myself…I just need to beat it because I’m so close and it’d be a shame to quit. Maybe Grand Theft Auto would make a good movie and then I wouldn’t have to devote so much energy to it...
I’ll probably get this DLC anyway and go through that same cycle of thinking it awesome until it becomes painful…because I have an addiction.
And that's all.
pie>cake. 1.
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