Gears, Games and Life in 2009

Hello faithful readers,

I haven't written anything in a month. I know you must all be very disappointed but let me explain. I was busy. But hey, I'm back now. And thank god right? So it's a new year, we have a new president, Wii Fit is GotY (according to Amazon), Wii Sports is the best selling game of all time, nintendo invented god, and a ton of other shit that I won't mention in the below paragraphs. So how bout you just follow along and listen to me ramble about stuff that actually matters and isn't just about the stupid wii.

"What you've been playing" is the most overused feature on all gaming sites/blogs/podcasts. Here's a far more original version for our one-of-a-kind blog:
What I Haven't Been Playing
Anything other than Gears of War 2 and Left 4 Dead
I will assume there is no reason to explain why as they are unquestionably the two most awesome games available.

On to other news and ramblings...

Gears of War 2 patch is out today. I read through the list of stuff they fixed/balanced and couldn't find "made matchmaking happen quickly" or "eliminated lag" so that sucks...but anyway here are the
Top 5 Awesome Things They Did Change
(in descending order of awesomeness)

1. Punish players for quitting
I fucking hate those kids who care so god damn much about their fucking rank that they quit as soon as their team is down by 2 rounds. Do you know how difficult it is to quit out of gears? You have to bring up the center button menu and return to the dashboard and then restart the game and navigate through all the menus again. It probably takes 5 minutes. Then you need to find another multiplayer match, which can take another 10 minutes if you're unlucky. Meanwhile I'm sitting there in the game watching my teammates drop out like flies and all of a sudden it's me versus a team of 5 that's been kicking our ass even as a full team. Thanks quitting assholes, that really added to the fun.

2. Improved client side hit detection with the shotgun
As long as there is gonna be lag, at least my shotgun will still work. It's the worst when you've put 5 shots in someone pointblank and they don't pop then they spin around and get 1 in you and boom you're dead.

3. Added achievement progression to the war journal
What can I say? I C=3 Cheevos. They are addicting...and this is TAJ.

4. Got rid of the shield and a shotgun glitch
This glitch was utter bullshit. I never noticed the dude with the shield had his shotgun out until I was gibbed all over the floor.

5. Spawn protection
Gives you 5 seconds of invincibility after a respawn so that you don't immediately explode from some asshole's frag while you’re leaving the spawn room.

There are a number of games I feel are worth playing but not buying. So what are my choices? Rent or borrow? Well, borrowing is pretty unlikely (I don’t have many hardcore gaming friends) so renting is the only option left. Now do I rent from blockbuster or get a service like Gamefly? Living in Boston means that the blockbusters around me a run by a bunch of shitheads who let their store go to shambles so that you can't find anything. But I don't like the commitment of Gamefly. Currently I have Netflix and sometimes I'll let a movie just sit in my living room for 2 months...which is a dumb waste of money. Anyway, here's the list of games that I believe are probably worth playing and then getting rid of after you beat:
Fable II
Prince of Persia
Mirror's Edge
Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts
Viva Piñata 2
Far Cry 2
World of Goo

No More Hero's for Wii used to be on that list but I was buying something on Amazon and I needed to spend $25 for the free super savers shipping...No More Hero's was only $20...it was a no brainer. Other than that the only one on that list that I think I'd buy is Fable II. I had a ton of fun with the first version of the game. It's just so colorful and cheeky.

Finally, I want to make one non-gaming comment about our new president. I've always been relatively indifferent about politics. I find myself to be a bleeding heart or hardcore democrat on some issues like go green and save the world and technology and science should be put before all else while at the same time cutthroat and uncaring about other stuff like homeless people are just catching the shit end of the natural selection stick...it's Darwin baby. So for this reason I've always kind of banked on the fact that the president can't do too much on his own cuz all his shit still needs to pass through a ton of other people so...ignore it. So I was at lunch during the inauguration speech yesterday and it was awesome. He is a great speaker. So much so that it made me care (just a little, but still...). Then for one reason or another I found myself on Whitehouse.gov, which had just received a huge update. Anyway, I read some of the stuff on there and Obama rules. He will be blogging all through his presidency. He is posting all his proclamations and executive orders out there for everyone to read. Also he plans on putting all non-emergency legislation on the site for 5 days to allow people to review and comment on it before he makes any final decisions. I thought that was awesome. He's embracing technology, he cares what the public thinks and he is making himself and his office as accountable as possible my making them as transparent as possible. He's certainly a refreshing change from Dubya.

And that's all.
p>c. AD.

2008 Retrospective

2008 is more or less over in the video game world. Anything new that gets released at this point can’t expect much attention. All the blockbusters have dropped in time for the holiday season; the final point of punctuation being the new Prince of Persia, which from what I read is great as a comfortable timewaster but if you enjoy any sort of a challenge you will hate it. Anyway, it feels like a good time to take a look back on what I played and of that group which I loved and which I didn’t.

As one quick note before we get going: I have an Xbox 360 I play every day and a Nintendo Wii that (like everyone else) I haven’t turned on in months.

Best 360 Retail Game: Gears of War 2

What’s the best part of this game? Cover system? Brutal weaponry? Chunks of flesh and splattered blood? I think all of those things are great little bonuses but what makes the game really incredible is the way it’s redefined the shooter. Gears somehow slows the pace of the game while making it feel more frantic. It’s not a run and gun like halo or most other shooters. It forces you to execute flawlessly while taking your time and constantly reevaluating your position. It eliminates the all too common cycle of spawn > get as many kills as you can before you die > die > repeat. If you die in gears you’re out until the end of the round with the rest of the other poosies, and who want’s to be there?

B3RG Runner-Up: Dead Space

It’s easy to define what made Dead Space the kick ass game it is. One thing: atmosphere. First of all, they set you in the scariest place possible, the middle of outer space on a busted ship with no communication. You are completely and utterly alone. Then they get rid of the HUD, add a bunch of ambient noise, do an over the shoulder view, automated computer system that sounds like people whispering from a distance, flickering lights and insane doctors and religions…it was all about atmosphere and it was 100% success.

Best XBLA Game: Geometry Wars 2
Seizure inducing firework-esque visuals, pulsing electronic music, over the top frantic gameplay, but most of all ridiculously addicting. The win in this game is short rounds that always leave you thinking “but this is so easy…why did I fly into that guy? I can do better”.

BXG Runner-Up: Braid
Geo Wars’ antipode. This game encourages you to relax, take your time and think. Soothing music and art design by Claude Monet (not really) made this game an intelligent escape from the norm. The puzzles forced you to think, leave, come back and finally have one of the most satisfying eureka moments of any game I’ve played to date.

Most Disappointing 360 Retail Game: Battlefield: Bad Company
What can I say? I was game starved. I knew this wasn’t going to be that good. I had friend who swore by the old Battlefields though…I bought into the whole, “completely destructible environments alone will make this game awesome” bullshit. Multiplayer was fun for about 3 hours. Campaign was terrible. This game sucked.

Most Disappointing XBLA Game: Castle Crashers
Castle Crashers was super hyped. The gaming community watched the Behemoth Dev Blog like hawks for what seemed like years. Every time a new weapon or animal orb was announced we all exploded into cheers, “Woo! Yay for a…mace/fish/cleaver!”. When it released I was on the fence about snagging the beat’em-up. I thought, “This game will be awesome if I have friends who play it with me”. I spoke with a few friends who felt the same. So we all got the game. Turned out connectivity bugs had rendered it impossible to play over live and therefore no fun. Single player beat’em-ups become a chore after like 5 minutes. Woot for hype. Stupid Behemoth is still correcting the issues today and should have the patch out soon. Oo yay!

Best Game for A Lesser Console: Little Big Planet
I have one friend with a PS3. From the day he got it I’ve made fun of him. Since that day I’ve told him to buy two games for it. First was the new Metal Gear Solid, not because I thought it was going to be good, because it was “the game that makes the PS3 worth owning” according to popular outcry. The other game was Little Big Planet. He bought it last weekend and brought his PS3 over to my apartment so we could give it a spin. I must say that it is a phenomenal game. It’s a silly, fun time that’s great for multiplayer locally and lends an unimaginable amount of creativity to the player. Oh, and I started to scratch the surface with the level editor last night (yes, he left it at my apartment, woo!) – unbelievable depth. Easily the best game I’ve played on PS3 or Wii in the past year.

BGFALC Runner-Up: Okami
Okami for Wii was a remake of the ps2 version. It’s the game they say the newest Legend of Zelda stole it’s gameplay elements from. Saddly, the best way I can describe it is by using Zelda as a reference. It’s like Legend of Zelda if Link was a Japaneese God embodied by a wolf instead of a little elvin boy. All your special abilities in the game are driven by god powers you control with the “celestial brush”. To control the brush you paint different sybols on the screen using the Wiimote and an onscreen stylus. This is how you solve puzzles; this is how you do combat. It’s an awesome mechanic perfect for Wii. The game has depth, story and is ridiculously long. Like any Zelda game as it progresses you learn new techniques that keep the puzzles and combat from getting old. It’s good…I guess it’s about as good as a Legend of Zelda game but amped up with god wolfs and 7-headed mountain-sized serpent beasts.

And that’s it.
p>c.

VGA World Premiers '08: What you should think

The Spike Video Game Awards were last night. I didn’t watch them, but I did catch some of the “World Premier” trailers today across the interwebs. Some of it looked good, some of it looked like crap. Here are my thoughts in a bit more detail…

Oh, and FYI: the headers below should be links to the clips...enjoy!

Brutal Legend

It looks like Jack Black will bring the same level of failed hilarity to this game that he does to most of his movies. Don’t get me wrong, they’re not all crap. I loved his role in Tropic Thunder, he had the funniest line in the movie in my opinion (“Alpa, if you come over here and untie me I will literally suck your dick…”). I liked the songs in The Pick of Destiny. School of Rock wasn’t all bad, though a little too Disney for my tastes. But Nacho Libre was utter shit. I was expecting a hidden gem like what Napoleon Dynamite turned out to be but no. Just crap, unwatchable crap. I see this game turning into something between Nacho Libre and The Pick of Destiny. A whole hearted “…meh…” I have little to no interest but it seems like a lot of gamers out there do. Why? Who knows.

Dante’s Inferno
I know nothing about this game other than what I saw in the trailer 10 minutes ago but I am already pumped for it. Dante’s Inferno (the book) is awesome. Before you ask - nope, never read it, I just know it’s awesome. I love that sort of shit. Horror mixed with religion or pseudo religion…like that movie Constantine. I loved it, and it probably wasn’t that good but I was blinded by the awesome horror/demons/mystics/voodoo/religion stuff. Religion – Boring bullshit + fantastical demon monster creatures + dark oppressive atmosphere = win. It’s like you’re watching a Lord of the Rings movie that a bunch of people believe could be true. It rules. And this game will rule. They better not fuck it up because it has phenomenal potential.

Watchmen: The End is Nigh
Other than the use of the word nigh instead of near, this game will blow. I think I’m going to start using the word nigh instead of near. It will totally add a bunch of dramatic effect to my everyday conversation. “Hey Aesop, do you know where the nearest Dunkin Donuts is?” “It’s pretty nigh, about 4 blocks from here…” But seriously, I see this game turning into just another crappy superhero or movie game. Pick any example* of a movie or superhero game and you’ll find crap. Take crap, multiply it by crap and you get? I don’t know. More crap I suppose, but either way this game will suck.

*Any example except that incredible hulk game for the original Xbox. That game fucking owned. You were just massively destructive. If you’ve never played that game I recommend you go pick up a used copy for like $4 or whatever used copies of Xbox original games sell for.

Fight Night: Round 4
If you love the fight night series you will love this game otherwise you won’t be able to tell the difference between this and any of the originals or any of the future games. I think picking up the yearly updated editions of these sports games is equivalent to trying to lick your elbow after you’ve tripped and fallen and your elbow landed in dog shit. Dumb if you were to succeed, pointless because you won’t. Oh, and fuck madden.

GoW2: Combustible Map Pack
I fucking love gears. This iteration isn’t getting the credit it deserves. The first one was revolutionary, it came out of nowhere. All we knew about it before it came out was it had that cool promo with the sad “all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out placesssssssss” song. Then boom, it ruled. When this one came out everyone was hoping for that same “Surprise! It’s fucking awesome!” feeling. But it was hyped to shit and the bar was so high that of course you’re not going to get that feeling. Between that and the internets usual response to an excellent shooter’s sequel of “Waahhhh, the banana is nerfed! I don’t like how you can make soup! The first one was better! Waaaahhhhh”. Substitute the correct terms in for “banana” and “make soup” for your shooter of choice, in GoW’s case banana=shotgun and make soup=tag walls with grenades. But that’s all garbage. This game fucking kicks ass.

That said, I think it’s complete and utter bullshit when a developer has DLC ready for release on the same day the game launches. That’s not quite the case here (it’s been 3 weeks) but it’s pretty fucking close. And $10 dollars? Bah! Fuck this. Multiplayer is still laggy and there are still issues with getting connected to a game. WFT? Fix that shit. I love the game, I love every blood splattering and flesh carving minute of it when it works. But it doesn’t work consistently yet. How bout that gets fixed then we talk about micro transactions…I just wish the maps didn’t look so fucking fun…dammit.

GTA IV: Lost and Damned
This looks awesome. Well…let me rephrase, it looks awesome on paper (or video in this case). It looks poetic and artistic and all those things everyone says about GTA IV that got it crowned Time Magazine’s GotY 2008. But there’s a problem with Grand Theft Auto that’s hard to put into words…of course I’ll try. When I play the game it’s totally rad at first but it slowly becomes routine and by the end I’m not even enjoying myself…I just need to beat it because I’m so close and it’d be a shame to quit. Maybe Grand Theft Auto would make a good movie and then I wouldn’t have to devote so much energy to it...
I’ll probably get this DLC anyway and go through that same cycle of thinking it awesome until it becomes painful…because I have an addiction.

And that's all.

pie>cake. 1.